


Go Looking For Trouble

by larxenethefirefly



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Minor Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada, Minor Original Male Character/Original Male Character, aka that one story where a journalist tries to hunt down McCree for an interview, and finds more trouble than it's worth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 23:59:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18671056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larxenethefirefly/pseuds/larxenethefirefly
Summary: A journalist tries to track down Jesse McCree for an interview via his former associates.It goes about as well as can be expected.





	Go Looking For Trouble

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the interactions a week or so ago at three am on my phone, then posted it to the target practice discord the next morning and was encouraged to make it into a fic. This is nothing but sheer indulgence and shenanigans.
> 
> Thank you to personalspin for the beta! She did an amazing job, any mistakes are mine.

Bobby finds him packing his suitcase with a fire in his eyes. “Sure you want to do this?” he asked.  
James gestures with an undershirt. “It’s the greatest story of our generation! Why wouldn’t I want to do it?”  
“Jay, just because you failed out of the police academy-”  
“I didn’t fail, I realized I wasn’t cut out for the job,” James insists. “Besides, guns are awful, why do we use them?” Before Bobby can respond he continues. “I’ve already got first hand accounts from witnesses, police reports, and news sources. All I need is to find him.”  
Bobby sighs and rubs his temples. “Fine. Just be careful, okay? Jesse McCree isn’t someone you mess with lightly.”

\---

Angela:

“You know Jesse McCree, yes?” Of all McCree’s former associates, Dr. Ziegler had been the easiest to find and the safest to talk to. It wasn’t hard at all to find her free clinic and ask for interview. Due to some mixup, the nurse thought was there for an exam, so he quickly finds on the examination table himself  
“Know him? Of course.” She removes the stethoscope and scribbles something down.  
“It is imperative that you let me know his last known location-“  
“Just because I know him does not mean I know where he is,” she interrupts, voice tart. “He could have succumbed to lung cancer for all I know. Man smokes like a chimney.”  
She continues for another hour about his unhealthy habits, conducting the most scarily efficient exam in the process. She pauses her tirade only to ask him to strip. “When was the last time you had a prostate exam?” she asks. James makes his excuses and flees.

“Her name may be Angela but she's no angel,” James complains later that night.  
Bobby laughs. “Thought you learned that lesson with your ex.”  
“Shut up,” James sulks.

\--

Genji:

It’s also ironically easy to find Genji. He simply lands in Nepal and shows a picture of the cyborg, and everyone points him to the monastery. More than one person gives him a knowing smirk. “You too, huh?”  
James doesn’t want to know.  
The monks are helpful and lead him up a mountain to where Genji is currently meditating. It takes most of the day and he is exhausted when he finally gets there. The omnic is sitting on a mat, waiting for him. “Have you seen or heard from Jesse McCree?” James asks.  
Genji stares. And stares. He wonders if Genji fell asleep. After an hour, the cyborg twitches. “Oh! I’m sorry, I was meditating,” he says. “Were you waiting long?”  
“No,” James grits out. He repeats his question.  
The cyborg shrugs and gets to his feet. “No,” he parrots. Genji leaves by jumping off a cliff and scaling down a sheer rock wall. James is left to hike down the mountain alone.

“He literally made you take a hike!” Bobby crows.  
“I’m glad you find so much delight in my suffering,” James groans. His feet are soaking in the tub.  
“I cannot believe you willingly climbed a mountain. Did you take pictures?”  
James sighs. Then: “Yes.”

\--  
Hana:

“Do you know Jesse McCree?” The crowd outside the door is already loud. James wonders how she can stand all the noise.  
Hana raises an eyebrow. “Jesse McCree? Cowboy cosplayer? Makes excellent tacos? Always ready to do the hot pepper challenge on livestream?”  
“Yes!” He smiles, ready for the story-  
“Never heard of him. What was his name again?”  
He sees security coming and decides to hightail it out of there before he gets arrested. 

“You accosted a celebrity?” Bobby shrieks.  
“Didn’t physically touch her once,” James sulks. On his personal holoscreen, Jesse McCree rhapsodizes about the flavor of a ghost pepper and doesn’t even break a sweat. “Did you know he has a stomach of steel?”  
“You are chasing an outlaw, not superman.” James sends him the clip, and Bobby is quiet for a long while. “Wow,” he finally says.  
“Here, I’ll send you the link to the full vid. Apparently he makes chili with the damn thing.”

\--

Winston:

It is easier than he thought to find the email of a gorilla from the moon. Almost immediately, he gets a politely worded reply that firmly states Winston is not affiliated with Overwatch, will no longer be affiliated with Overwatch, and will continue to have no affiliation with Overwatch (with exception to personal friendships that have not, do not, and will not refer to vigilantism).  
He doesn't bother to try and parse it out and deletes it.

“Wait, the moon monkey actually exists?” Bobby wonders.  
“Priorities,” James replies, firmly. “And besides, he prefers the term ‘extraterrestrial terrestrial’.”

\--

Pharah:

“Hello, I need to talk to you about Jesse McCree-“  
Fareeha slams her hands down on the table between them. He is suddenly very aware of her arms and that she if she wanted to she could snap him in half. “If you see him, tell that piece of shit he hasn’t called in over a week and owes me three cases of that fancy Mexican beer. Also tell him his little sister called him a coward for bailing on the arm wrestling match he owes her, but loves him anyway and looks forward to seeing him for her birthday party.”  
She sweeps out of the room and he’s too terrified to follow.

Bobby doesn’t answer. To be fair, James had sent him several panicky texts where he only screamed ‘arms!’ several times, so Bobby probably didn't want to deal with his shit right now.

\--

Ana:

One second he’s walking back to his motel torn between scared and horny, with Bobby still not answering his calls, and the next he’s startled awake and tied up in some warehouse. A terrifying cat mask stares at him. “Why are you looking for Jesse McCree?” The voice sounds female and slightly familiar, but James is too terrified to analyze it further.  
James stammers out his reason. The cat hums, adjusts her terrifyingly large rifle, and says, “I would be more cautious if I were you. Go looking for trouble and trouble finds you.” She aims her rifle at him and pulls the trigger.  
He wakes up with a horrendous hangover in his motel bed and wonders if it was a dream.

“First space monkeys, now cats?” Bobby sighs.  
“I think it was a dream,” James said. “But I don’t remember drinking anything. Are there any bars around here?”  
“Jay, you’re a lightweight, and if your texts are anything to go by, you probably did get drunk.”  
“Oh.”

\--

Moira:

He doesn’t get far with Doctor O’Deorain. James requests and gets an appearance, but as soon as she sits behind her desk, steeples her hands and stares at him, he loses his nerve. He asks her where the bathroom is before they start and never returns.

Bobby spends ten minutes laughing at him when James tells him.  
\--

Reinhardt:

Lieutenant Reinhardt Wilhelm greets him with a bone-cracking hug and laughs when James explains why he is visiting. “Jesse McCree?! I haven’t seen him in years! Why, I remember the first time I met him, he was so scrawny a stiff breeze could have swept him away! I took him to the kitchen and fed him mama’s famous Bratwurst. It’s a family secret you know-“  
James nods politely as Reinhardt spends the next hour rhapsodizing about his mother’s cooking. He is only spared when Reinhardt gets a phone call from his ‘squire’. James tells him it’s no worry, but he must be leaving, it was a lovely chat.

“Bratwurst? Really?”  
“I’m convinced that everyone even remotely affiliated with Overwatch is insane,” James grumbles. “Hey, do you think there’s any American restaurants around here? I’m really craving hotdogs.”

\--

Torbjorn:

“Who’s he asking about?” Torbjorn yells from somewhere inside the house. Several children are screaming as they run around and their parents are sat on the couch gossiping. One of the brood is doing interpretive dance. Another is trying to climb up the door frame as her younger brother sits beneath her with a box.  
“McCree!” The young woman who had introduced herself as Brigitte yells back. “Sorry, thought you were pizza,” she tells James. “Want to come in? Dad’s in his workshop, so it’ll take a while before he can pull himself away.”  
The child climbing the doorframe falls, squashing her sibling and the mystery box. They start yelling. The other kids start yelling. The parents are unconcerned.  
“This looks like a bad time,” James finally manages.  
Brigitte is apologetic, but he leaves. His ears are ringing.

“Now you know why I never married,” Bobby tells him.  
“Boss, you never married because every woman who dates you thinks you’re an asshole,” James reminds him.  
“That too,” Bobby agrees.

\--

Lena:

“Awwww, how’s he been?” Lena asks when he finally finds her in London. Other than being a local hero, her work with the government didn’t lend to easy access. James had been wandering the streets for the past four days hoping to just bump into her. “Haven’t seen him in ages!”  
“I don’t know,” James says. “Was hoping you could tell me.”  
Lena looks regretful. “Sorry mate, can’t help ya much. He never hung around us blues. Still, if you see him, tell ‘im I said hi!”  
She zips off. There’s no hope of catching her now.

“I’m impressed you actually managed to find her.” Bobby sounds proud.  
“Now if I can only find my target,” James grumbles.

\--

Lúcio:

It’s a little harder to find the DJ — everyone is incredibly protective of him and it takes weeks before James convinces them he means no harm. Lúcio listens with rapt attention while James tells him why he’s looking for McCree. “Yeah man! See him every day!” the Brazilian finally exclaims.  
James can barely believe it. Finally, a lead. “Where?”  
“At The Coffee Bean, three blocks down from here. Hangs by the booth next to the bathrooms, can’t miss him!”  
James happily goes to the café as soon as it opens the next day and sits down facing the door to wait for him to show. And waits. And waits. It’s not until he is asked to leave because the shop is closing that he happens to glance at the booth Lúcio mentioned, and sees McCree’s wanted poster hanging on the wall.

“He tricked me!” James wails.  
Bobby spends another twenty minutes laughing at him. Every time he tries to speak it sets him off again. James eventually hangs up.

\--

Hanzo:

He doesn’t find Hanzo. Hanzo finds him.  
He wakes up on his third day in Dorado and finds an arrow above his head, pinned to the wall through the headboard. A note is attached to it and reads: ‘End your investigation immediately before I end your life’. The only identifier to the owner of the arrow is a symbol as the letterhead. James has researched enough crime families to know the symbol of the Shimada clan when he sees it.  
He swallows.

For once Bobby sounds serious. “James, I’m pulling the story.”  
“You can’t!” James pleads. “Boss, I’m getting somewhere. I must be getting close-”  
“Your life is in danger! You aren’t in any way capable of defending yourself, Jay. You’re a journalist, for fuck’s sake. Get your ass on the first plane back here tomorrow or you’re fired. I don’t want to lose my favorite journalist because of his own stubbornness.”  
As much as James hates to admit it, he’s right. 

\--

Sombra:

He picks a random bar to drown his sorrows in. Several months and no leads — he is just as clueless as when he started. A man is slumped at the end of the bar reeking of alcohol, and he side steps him gingerly before ordering a shot.  
A woman in purple side eyes him. “Heard you were looking for McCree.”  
He groans. How does everyone else know save the man he was looking for? “Was. Boss told me to quit.”  
She smirks. “You’ll never find him with that attitude. In fact, he’s probably closer than you think.” She hops off the stool and moves to the man passed out at the bar. She pokes him and says something in Spanish before hauling him to his feet. He mutters and shakes himself awake but allows himself to be led off.  
Several hours and many shots later, James jerks upright and realizes what Sombra meant. “Son of a bitch!” He yells.

“He was there, Bobby!” James sobs into the phone. “Less than three feet away from me!”  
“Jay, how many times have I told you to stop drinking?”  
“Three feet!”  
Bobby sighs. “Get some sleep, Jay. Your plane leaves in seven hours. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”

\--

Doomfist:

Doomfist approaches James while he’s on lunch break. He’s drinking coffee at an outdoor café and looking over a few running article ideas Bobby sent him when James is suddenly surrounded. Akande sits down in the chair across from him. “You are looking for McCree,” he states.  
“Was,” James squeaks. “Couldn’t find him and boss pulled the plug on the project.”  
“I can give you the ability to do so. All I ask is that you give his dragon a gift from me.” He hands James a box. James doesn’t say anything, just shakes in terror. “Consider it, and get back to me.”  
That night he opens the box out of curiosity. Takes one look at the contents and screams. He regrets the day he ever heard of Jesse McCree and vows to never speak the man’s name again.

“Glad you’re finally moving on,” Bobby says as James hands him the first of his new series. He looks it over. “A story about geese? Really?”  
“They seem positively friendly after all I’ve been through, sir,” James says, sounding haunted.

\--

And, finally, Jesse:

It’s been a month since Dorado, and two weeks since Doomfist. James is on his way to the office for yet another day of work when he bumps into someone. “Sorry,” he says absently, then does a double take.  
Jesse. Fucking. McCree.  
“Stay away!” He shouts. “Leave me alone!” He brandishes his phone like a shield.  
Jesse looks sheepish as he rubs the back of his neck. “I, ah, heard you were looking for me?”  
“No, nope, not now, not ever,” he says. “You’ve already brought me too much trouble. I don’t know you, I don’t want to know you!”  
Jesse shrugs. “Okay. Probably for the best. But, uh, if you want to help people... here.” He hands James a flash drive. “When you’re ready for it.”  
Jesse leaves. James almost throws the flash drive away, but he’s always been too nosy for his own good. He immediately plugs it into his work computer. Stares. Then runs to Bobby.  
Two years later, James Cassidy has won three different awards for his book “The True Story of the Fall of Overwatch: The Corruption, The Lies, and The Secrets.” There's a special acknowledgement in the front for Joel Morricone, without whom the book wouldn’t have been possible. 

Bobby buys him a drink after the award ceremony. “What do you know, it all worked out,” he laughs.  
The bartender approaches them. “From the man in the corner booth,” he says.  
It’s a note. ‘Sorry for the arrow’, it says. James and Bobby both turn to look, but all they see is a homeless Japanese man asleep in the booth. They exchange confused glances before shrugging and forget all about it.

\--

The next day James wakes up with Bobby sprawled on top of him. They are both startlingly naked and for once, he doesn’t have a hangover.  
He considers. This isn’t the first time he’s accidentally ended up in bed with his editor. There was a reason the man had a key.  
Oh well. He could deal with it later. He rolls over and falls back asleep — maybe this meant Bobby would finally let him publish that romance novel he’s been working on.

**Author's Note:**

> Hanzo: Where are you going?  
> Jesse, grabbing the flash drive: I gotta go, a dumbass bisexual needs me!  
> Hanzo: You better not be giving all the info to him because his name reminds you of a cowboy! Jesse! JESSE GET BACK HERE!
> 
> Also, y'all can thank spin for the James/Bobby pairing. She was right, they are so very gay for each other.


End file.
